Loving Anthology: Our Voices, Our Lives

Chapter excerpt from Zebras from Heaven, Celebrating Interethnic Relationships - One couple's journey transcending issues of race 

by Kim-Marie Walker, Copyright © 2007

 

 

Zebras from Heaven Explorations

For Individuals, Couples, and General Group Discussion

 

The following explorations celebrate positive aspects of mixed relationships. Use these thought-provoking explorations to not only think outside the box but to creatively nourish relationships.

 

At First Glance

What stories do you remember about the time you introduced or told your family and friends you were dating and/or getting married to your partner? Exploration: Focus on the positive experiences, influences, or situations. What felt joyful? Daring? What initially may have caused anxiety and later, upon reflection, was not a factor?

 

Think about the times when you may have dated or married someone within your race/ethnicity/culture. What, if anything, did you do differently when you dated or married your current partner (who is from another race/ethnicity group/culture)? Exploration: What, if anything, have either of you given up in order to be in the relationship? Do you secretly long for whatever you gave up? How can you live in integrity and respectfully let your partner know you miss this particular activity and/or experience?

 

Have you ever felt that you’ve denied or not expressed fully yourself, because of a perception that you may be seen as acting in stereotypic ways? (i.e., acting too traditional, too Asian, too black, too white, etc.)

 

Committed and Loving It

If you had not dated or married your partner, what ethnic/cultural things would you have never known?

 

Think of subtle positive experiences or influences in which your family and friends let you know they respect your choice in a partner.

 

Obviously you are in a relationship based upon timeless qualities of attraction. However, if you had any reservations or hesitations where race/ethnicity/culture was concerned, what values or inner convictions guided you to pursue or marry your partner?

 

Being in a mixed marriage does not necessarily exclude one from possibly being a bigot, racist, and/or intolerant of others. For instance, a Japanese woman married to a Latino may be prejudiced if their daughter married an African-American. An Anglo-German American female married to a Zulu male may be prejudiced if their son married a Dutch South Afrikaner. The list of possibilities is endless. Exploration: Do you think being in a “mixed” marriage gives you a better perspective on respecting others who are different than you? Explain why.

 

Exploration: What role, if any, does community and environment have upon your relationship? Single out the three best things about being in a “mixed” marriage or committed relationship. How does your local community or environment (work, school, faith-based, etc.) enhance or add value to these things? If your local community or environment does not enhance your relationship, describe a community or environment which would sustain, support, and help your relationship or family flourish.

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Pitter Patter of Little Feet

Imagine your multiraical/ethnic/cultural children telling their children what it was like to grow up in the 21rst century. Exploration: Choose an activity to express what you think your children might say. Ideas: Write a letter, poem, essay, or short story. Make a painting, collage (from newspaper clippings, magazines, or photos), drawing, or sculpture. Create a song or lullaby. An alternative: Instead of imagining what your children tell their children, choose any creative endeavor to make a lasting legacy for your children and their offspring.